Let's rip this band-aid off.

[Citris]

So, first off this isn’t a hockey post, but, hey, I think around 9,000 words of draft recap over the past month has earned me a personal post haha.

It’s still slow for hockey talk, so, I thought it would be a good time to address the elephant in the room for some of you who may have noticed a few things.

Anyway, I’ll cut to the chase, you may have noticed I changed my gender indicator, this is because I am transgender.

I am a trans woman, which, for those who are unclear, means that I was assigned male at birth, but I feel more comfortable living my life as a woman. I am currently in the process of transitioning, meaning, I’m taking hormones to change my body (as well as exercise, growing my hair out, etc.). This is going to be a long process, but it’s something I feel I need to do.

I know this may not come as a surprise to all of you, but for those who are shocked, even those who feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea - that’s okay. You’re allowed to have feelings regarding this, all I ask is that you make an effort.

Some of you may never understand what gender dysphoria feels like, you may not understand why somebody would feel the need to transition from one gender to another, or live somewhere in between, and that’s ok. All I ask is that you make an effort to make me, and other trans folk in your life more comfortable.

Why did I think this was important to post?

Well, first and foremost, I’m not like I’m doing it for attention or anything, I just am sick of hiding it.

In an ideal world, that’s all I’d have to say, and I know for some of you, it is, and I thank you for that. However as much as Trans acceptance might be in a better place than it ever has been, It’s also true that we’re still very much seen as a deviation from the norm, or worse seen as weird or to be kept at arm's length.

I want to at least challenge that perception, I really don’t want to sound self-important, but I think over the years I have garnered at least some respect in the community, not just here, but the local hockey community in general.

If you have any respect for me, I just ask that you remember I’m fundamentally the same person now as I always have been, just in some slightly different packaging. If you respect me, I want you to internalize that you do have respect for a trans person, and that as people, we’re worthy of your respect and understanding.

I also want to make it easier for others to come out as well. I have faith in our community that I’ll be accepted, and that seeing that will make it less stressful for others to be open and authentic without fear, or shame.

Anyway, I’m trying to avoid getting too heavy with this topic, It’s not something I want to be preachy or humorless about, in fact, it’s something I’m very happy about. But there’s also a level of sincerity I think needs to accompany this post.

So, here’s an important part - what can you do to help?

The easiest way to help is just to treat me like you always have, but, there are a few things to keep in mind -

Please use my preferred pronouns. I am a woman, and as such, please refer to me as she/her. Even when I’m not in earshot, it’s important to make an effort to use the correct pronouns, because not doing so carries with it the unspoken implication that my identity is invalid, and that I’m not really a woman, or that I’m going through a phase or something like that.

This doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to slip up, or make mistakes, everyone does, hell I still do. But, if you make an effort, it would mean the world to me.

Raimu is still fine, it’s gender neutral… which in retrospect is probably why I loved the name so much.

If you know me in real life, first off, hi! This is awkward isn’t it!?

But seriously, if you see me at the rink, please refer to me as Char (Short for Charlotte, but Char is fine for casual conversation, plus it’s not quite as gender coded as I still don’t really LOOK feminine.). Again, all I can ask is a best effort, and that you try not to deadname me (that is, use my given masculine name).

And in general, if you ever meet somebody in your life who is trans, or is considering transitioning, or is anywhere in the process, the same applies, ask them their preferred pronouns, offer to use their preferred name, these are little things but they mean more than you could possibly imagine to somebody who’s questioning their identity, and is scared to ask.


That’s about it for this post, if you have any questions, feel free to ask, my personal messages are always open as well. I’m pretty open about the whole process if you’re respectful about it.

[Mika]

Proud to call you a friend. I know this took a lot of guts for you to come out. *Hugs*

A point to make for others too. If you slip up, don't make a big deal out of it, a quick sorry is all that's needed. And if someone is saying something bigoted (in all situations really) don't be afraid to call them on it. Let them know you don't want to hear that.

[SteveUL]

I don't know you and wouldn't know you if we passed each other at the rink. But if you are happy then that's all that matters. I have a client that recently began to transition to a female. I came across her at a networking event and stopped to talk. She said to me "we didn't touch each others genitals before, and we still aren't going to, so nothing is different". I thought that was very funny and was a great icebreaker.

It is a very brave thing to do what you are doing ... some will not understand ... some will have questions. Best of luck with it.

I may slip up with the pronouns from time to time, but it won't be intentional.

[Citris]

Jul 21, 2020 13:29:02 GMT -4 SteveUL said:

I don't know you and wouldn't know you if we passed each other at the rink. But if you are happy then that's all that matters. I have a client that recently began to transition to a female. I came across her at a networking event and stopped to talk. She said to me "we didn't touch each others genitals before, and we still aren't going to, so nothing is different". I thought that was very funny and was a great icebreaker.

It is a very brave thing to do what you are doing ... some will not understand ... some will have questions. Best of luck with it.

I may slip up with the pronouns from time to time, but it won't be intentional.

Lol I was gonna go for the dick joke but, I figured it might be inappropriate

But yes, it is weird to ask people about their genitals, even if they're trans haha XD

Thank you for your kind words, and I'm glad you're cool with your client .

[yesisaiditfirst]

You are always civil person on the board. I have always admired your knowledge and ability to be spot on topic no matter what. Follow you over on twitter too. If you have good opinion and great insight then that is what matters in any gender.

[jimmy]

Jul 21, 2020 15:41:32 GMT -4 yesisaiditfirst said:

You are always civil person on the board. I have always admired your knowledge and ability to be spot on topic no matter what. Follow you over on twitter too. If you have good opinion and great insight then that is what matters in any gender.

Well said!

I am sure Raimu will continue to be a valuable contributor on this board - I have always enjoyed your posts and see no reason for that to change. Raimu - all I have to say is that I wish you a lifetime of happiness!!

[Captain Obvious]

Jul 21, 2020 11:49:37 GMT -4 Citris said:

So, first off this isn’t a hockey post, but, hey, I think around 9,000 words of draft recap over the past month has earned me a personal post haha.

It’s still slow for hockey talk, so, I thought it would be a good time to address the elephant in the room for some of you who may have noticed a few things.

Anyway, I’ll cut to the chase, you may have noticed I changed my gender indicator, this is because I am transgender.

I am a trans woman, which, for those who are unclear, means that I was assigned male at birth, but I feel more comfortable living my life as a woman. I am currently in the process of transitioning, meaning, I’m taking hormones to change my body (as well as exercise, growing my hair out, etc.). This is going to be a long process, but it’s something I feel I need to do.

I know this may not come as a surprise to all of you, but for those who are shocked, even those who feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea - that’s okay. You’re allowed to have feelings regarding this, all I ask is that you make an effort.

Some of you may never understand what gender dysphoria feels like, you may not understand why somebody would feel the need to transition from one gender to another, or live somewhere in between, and that’s ok. All I ask is that you make an effort to make me, and other trans folk in your life more comfortable.

Why did I think this was important to post?

Well, first and foremost, I’m not like I’m doing it for attention or anything, I just am sick of hiding it.

In an ideal world, that’s all I’d have to say, and I know for some of you, it is, and I thank you for that. However as much as Trans acceptance might be in a better place than it ever has been, It’s also true that we’re still very much seen as a deviation from the norm, or worse seen as weird or to be kept at arm's length.

I want to at least challenge that perception, I really don’t want to sound self-important, but I think over the years I have garnered at least some respect in the community, not just here, but the local hockey community in general.

If you have any respect for me, I just ask that you remember I’m fundamentally the same person now as I always have been, just in some slightly different packaging. If you respect me, I want you to internalize that you do have respect for a trans person, and that as people, we’re worthy of your respect and understanding.

I also want to make it easier for others to come out as well. I have faith in our community that I’ll be accepted, and that seeing that will make it less stressful for others to be open and authentic without fear, or shame.

Anyway, I’m trying to avoid getting too heavy with this topic, It’s not something I want to be preachy or humorless about, in fact, it’s something I’m very happy about. But there’s also a level of sincerity I think needs to accompany this post.

So, here’s an important part - what can you do to help?

The easiest way to help is just to treat me like you always have, but, there are a few things to keep in mind -

Please use my preferred pronouns. I am a woman, and as such, please refer to me as she/her. Even when I’m not in earshot, it’s important to make an effort to use the correct pronouns, because not doing so carries with it the unspoken implication that my identity is invalid, and that I’m not really a woman, or that I’m going through a phase or something like that.

This doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to slip up, or make mistakes, everyone does, hell I still do. But, if you make an effort, it would mean the world to me.

Raimu is still fine, it’s gender neutral… which in retrospect is probably why I loved the name so much.

If you know me in real life, first off, hi! This is awkward isn’t it!?

But seriously, if you see me at the rink, please refer to me as Char (Short for Charlotte, but Char is fine for casual conversation, plus it’s not quite as gender coded as I still don’t really LOOK feminine.). Again, all I can ask is a best effort, and that you try not to deadname me (that is, use my given masculine name).

And in general, if you ever meet somebody in your life who is trans, or is considering transitioning, or is anywhere in the process, the same applies, ask them their preferred pronouns, offer to use their preferred name, these are little things but they mean more than you could possibly imagine to somebody who’s questioning their identity, and is scared to ask.


That’s about it for this post, if you have any questions, feel free to ask, my personal messages are always open as well. I’m pretty open about the whole process if you’re respectful about it.

I have always found you to be a respectful, knowledgeable and insightful poster. I don't think my view of you or your posts will change in any way. Do what makes you happy as long as you are not hurting others, everybody should respect you for it.

I admire your courage for being yourself.

[jahd]

Jul 21, 2020 11:49:37 GMT -4 Citris said:

So, first off this isn’t a hockey post, but, hey, I think around 9,000 words of draft recap over the past month has earned me a personal post haha.

It’s still slow for hockey talk, so, I thought it would be a good time to address the elephant in the room for some of you who may have noticed a few things.

Anyway, I’ll cut to the chase, you may have noticed I changed my gender indicator, this is because I am transgender.

...

But seriously, if you see me at the rink, please refer to me as Char (Short for Charlotte, but Char is fine for casual conversation, plus it’s not quite as gender coded as I still don’t really LOOK feminine.). Again, all I can ask is a best effort, and that you try not to deadname me (that is, use my given masculine name).

And in general, if you ever meet somebody in your life who is trans, or is considering transitioning, or is anywhere in the process, the same applies, ask them their preferred pronouns, offer to use their preferred name, these are little things but they mean more than you could possibly imagine to somebody who’s questioning their identity, and is scared to ask.


That’s about it for this post, if you have any questions, feel free to ask, my personal messages are always open as well. I’m pretty open about the whole process if you’re respectful about it.

Char - great post. Couldn't have made it more clear or simple for the community here. 

Looking forward to your continued contribution here.

jahd

[Citris]

Jul 21, 2020 22:33:19 GMT -4 jahd said:

Char - great post. Couldn't have made it more clear or simple for the community here. 

Looking forward to your continued contribution here.

jahd

I won't lie, I still am touched when people use my name, Like I said, it's a small gesture but, it means a lot to me, so thank you.

And thanks everyone else for being so accepting of this, I knew you guys wouldn't disappoint me, but, It's still a huge relief to get this off my chest.

[Jacques Strap]

Awesome Char. Nice to meet you. Keep up your very knowledgeable and interesting posts.

[j3e4]

Best of luck with everything. You're right. I don't understand what you're going through, but that's fine. I don't need to. No 2 people are alike so we all have things about us that some will find unrelatable. I've met a few people who were at varying stages of the process and as far as I can tell were very happy about it. I wish you nothing but happiness as well. Society does seem to becoming more accepting, which is encouraging, but there absolutely is still quite a way to go.

[Jack Bauer]

Congrats, Charlotte, on feeling confident enough to not only be you but to recognize part of being accepted is taking that very difficult first step in putting your terms on the table.

As a straight male I've always found the conversation awkward but from my perspective its about the not wanting to further offend people who have already had a tough go due to their situation.

I'm sure idiots like myself will screw up from time to time but the fact you're willing to put it out there shows a lot of guts and you're proving to be an inspiration to those still having the internal struggle of putting their terms out there for their peer/family/social group to accept.

It's not up to me or anyone else how you want to be addressed. All you can ask is that we respect your wishes. Anyone who doesn't is simply ignorant to the facts or refuses to allow themselves to open up to a world that isn't the black and white many of our parents and grandparents grew up in.

So I hope your experience in real life is as accepting and positive as your experience here as you continue to re-introduce yourself to the world. Part of educating the masses on these items is a part of a new reality. Something we all need to get used to and participate in so that the next generation holds none of the biases that the last generations passed down through logic all based in hate and ignorance.

At the end of the day it's about respect. And you earn it not only from your posting history here but simply through putting yourself out there and drawing your line of "This is who I am. This is how to address me." Because I will say personally that part of my apprehension around trans people is not wanting to put my own foot in my mouth vs not being accepting of them as their own people. Last thing I want is for someones day to be worse because they think I don't accept them. So I think I can speak for many when I say thank you for being so forthcoming with your terms. And don't ever let anyone else try and dictate them for you.

[catnut]

Interesting post. Hopefully everyone is as accepting as this community has been.

Just be yourself and be happy!

[Citris]

Jul 22, 2020 12:53:12 GMT -4 Jack Bauer said:

Congrats, Charlotte, on feeling confident enough to not only be you but to recognize part of being accepted is taking that very difficult first step in putting your terms on the table.

As a straight male I've always found the conversation awkward but from my perspective its about the not wanting to further offend people who have already had a tough go due to their situation.

I'm sure idiots like myself will screw up from time to time but the fact you're willing to put it out there shows a lot of guts and you're proving to be an inspiration to those still having the internal struggle of putting their terms out there for their peer/family/social group to accept.

It's not up to me or anyone else how you want to be addressed. All you can ask is that we respect your wishes. Anyone who doesn't is simply ignorant to the facts or refuses to allow themselves to open up to a world that isn't the black and white many of our parents and grandparents grew up in.

So I hope your experience in real life is as accepting and positive as your experience here as you continue to re-introduce yourself to the world. Part of educating the masses on these items is a part of a new reality. Something we all need to get used to and participate in so that the next generation holds none of the biases that the last generations passed down through logic all based in hate and ignorance.

At the end of the day it's about respect. And you earn it not only from your posting history here but simply through putting yourself out there and drawing your line of "This is who I am. This is how to address me." Because I will say personally that part of my apprehension around trans people is not wanting to put my own foot in my mouth vs not being accepting of them as their own people. Last thing I want is for someones day to be worse because they think I don't accept them. So I think I can speak for many when I say thank you for being so forthcoming with your terms. And don't ever let anyone else try and dictate them for you.

Thank you very much.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a certain level of responsibility tied to making this post, I knew that outing myself in a place like this, to people of different backgrounds and who aren't necessarily plugged into the LGBTQ community. I definitely typed and re-typed quite a few paragraphs, because I really wanted to express myself in a way that would resonate with as many people as possible.

Based on the response, I think I've done at least a halfway decent job haha.

[warrenmc]

Good for you and living your truth, that takes a lot of courage, even in 2020. Glad that you are feeling more at peace and that burden is off you!

For old times sake, what are you doing watching all those levels of hockey! wtf!